We all know at least one man in our life that holds this to be true: men can be completely entitled and selfish. If you don’t know a man like that then you’re lying to yourself or you’re a man. Now I’m sure I may have some people thinking that I am being a bit harsh but I can assure you that once you listen to what I have to say you may just understand where I am coming from. And if you don’t then you are again, probably a man or just in denial.
It is no secret that men are entitled creatures that feel that they are the most important thing given to this world. Of course while many would tend to disagree, ask any woman how selfish or entitled men they know are. How? Well there are several examples I can think of from housework all the way to rape culture. Now this is not intended to bash men but rather enlighten them of what the women in their lives are thinking and have been trying to communicate, as well as an outreach to ladies to know that you are not alone.
Men can do no wrong
Lets be honest here, men have a serious lack of empathetic understanding. While this may not seem like a big issue, it is typically the basis to all fights that happen amongst men and women, especially those in a relationship. So most times in their mind they may feel they have done nothing wrong because of their tendency to only view situations from their own perspective. Think about it, when was the last time you had your significant other do the dishes (assuming they are a man). Now think about a time right afterwards when you ask him to do them again, what was his response? What would it have been? Typically, when you ask a man to do something close to after they have already done it they are appalled at the fact you would even ask considering they have already done “their share.” Now of course they fail to understand that you have done the dishes the past 20 times before that without complaint. Or how about when you ask him to change a diaper and he says, “I already changed one today” or “I just changed their diaper this morning” again failing to realize that the other 50 diapers that have been changed over the course of a few days have been changed by you alone.
How about when it comes to the more serious case of cheating? The moment a woman cheats in a relationship, regardless of the reason, it is marked unforgivable and she most likely has a few unkind words attached to her name. However, when a man cheats he expects to be forgiven after giving a simple “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again” or “it was a mistake, I can’t lose you!”Guys I don’t care what your excuse is, there are multiple choices you make before deciding to cheat on your significant other (but that is a discussion for another time). Regardless of their excuse of choice, they still expect to be forgiven or that you owe them something whether it be an explanation of why you don’t want to continue in a relationship or whether you are talking to someone else.
Men’s needs are superior
Let’s think back to a relationship between a man and woman with children. What do you think is the difference in sleep accumulation between the two? A mom can wake up through out the night to feed the baby and the moment morning comes around she asks her husband to care for the children because she is tired from a long restless night just for her husband to say he is tired and isn’t going to get up (this is especially the case if he is going to work later). Or how many times do men decide to begin eating before their significant other gets a chance to sit down? Usually the reason for this is because they are hungry. So while mom is preparing everyone’s plates, getting everyone a drink, and making sure all hot surfaces are off, dad is usually finishing up his last bite before mom even sits down.
Moreover, continuing on with the mom and dad example, think of the difference between when the two use the bathroom. When dad uses the bathroom he expects mom to keep the children busy so they do not disturb him while he takes his thirty minute bathroom break. Meanwhile, when mom uses the bathroom dad becomes busy with something and somehow believes that the children will come running to him just by him calling their name (because they listen so well every other time). Thus leaving mom to have to rush through her bathroom break while trying to keep the children from pulling out things from the cabinets or digging through the trash.
And how about when a man gets sick? Typically a case of the sniffles is enough to land the man of the house in bed all day needing to be catered to. On the other hand, if the woman of the house gets sick, no matter how bad, she is still expected to go about her daily tasks as if nothing is wrong with out the man in her life taking into consideration that maybe she can use a day off to get better.
Even when it comes to sex a man’s needs come first. Newsflash guys, women like to get pleased too and the difference is, when we get pleased the show still goes on (we are cool like that). How many ladies have had that boyfriend that expected you to go down on him but refused to ever give you a nice Australian kiss? Or how many women are deprived of ever reaching sexual climax because their partner finishes before them or just doesn’t care to try and please you sexually?
Who is to blame for this sense of entitlement?
Now it isn’t entirely a man’s fault for this epidemic of entitlement that is going around. Not to say that the are incapable of changing themselves for the better, but it all comes down to how they were raised. Men are brought up in a different way than most women. While women are typically taught from a young age how to care for a family from cooking to cleaning, men are indirectly taught as boys how to be coddled. While they may not be coddled in the traditional sense, they are taught that a man’s needs are superior to that of a woman and that it is a woman’s job to cater to them. Men are never taught how to understand their own emotions let alone the emotions of others. They are taught to suck it up and be a man. They are raised to view women as objects rather than people and lack the “ability” for self-control. Let me be clear, this is not all on the parents, much of this cultural problem is demonstrated through the media. However, with that being said, it is up to BOTH parents to demonstrate the proper respect a man should show to others, especially women.
Going onto a deeper level, this entitlement can also be the blame for when it comes to rape culture today. By rape culture I mean the victim blaming that tends to be done more than the prosecution of the rapists. When a woman is raped many are quick to ask “was she drinking?” “Were her clothes too revealing?” “Was she leading him on?” and so on. Drastically fewer people stop to ask “what in God’s name was going through this man’s head to make him think he had the right to force a woman to have sex with him?” You would think that with how evolved we have become as a society that people would realize by now that a woman has the right to refuse sex or sexual favors to anyone she pleases. Just because she is drunk, wearing a “sexy” outfit, or is just there when a man has the desire to get laid, does not give any man the right to have sex with her without her fully conscious consent (and black out drunk consent is not consent).
The bottom line is there is a severe need to change the way of thinking of our society and get men to the same empathic inclined way of thinking as women. So my challenge to all the men out there is to start to understand where the women in your lives are coming from, usually it really isn’t as complicated as you are making it to be. And ladies, find a way to tell your man to not just listen, but understand where you’re coming from. It works sometimes and typically will have to be repeated several times for them to catch on. And parents, teach your boys to respect the women in their lives. Fathers must model this behavior to their wife so their son knows how to treat the woman he wants to marry. Mothers, teach him how to be independent and functional in a home so his future wife doesn’t have to do it all the time.
We are the creators of the future and if we don’t start to be the change in the world that we want to see, then who will?